I decided to interview my close
friend whose parents are divorced and had to listen to all the fights they had
while they were still married. I also asked her parents a couple of questions
to see what they had to deal with.
Question # 1: Has your parent’s divorce negatively impacted your development?
Answer # 1: There divorce was a huge contribution to who I am today, but in the end it has matured me, changed my perspective on relationships, and was for the best. My parent’s divorce has more than negatively impacted my development as a person. Growing up as a child with your parents together and then having to suddenly live in two separate houses with two different lifestyles is the worst. I would witness them fighting and it would scare me. Being a teenager at the time only made the situation worst since I was already going through so much other stuff.
Question #2: What do you think your life would be like if your parents had not gotten a divorce?
Answer #2: If my parents were still happily married today, I think I would be happy because right now it feels as if my family has been broken apart. My father can no longer attend my mother's family events, which I am still not used to. Having a stepfather and a stepmother is awkward at times and has a negative effect on my comfortably. Christmas is also weird and it is no longer a happy environment in my perspective. If my parents were together now I see myself being a lot happier.
Question #3: Are you mentally happy with the divorce or do you wish they were together?
Answer #3: Half of me is happy my parents aren't together anymore because I see how happy they are now. Seeing them unhappy before broke my heart. If they never started fighting and they were always happy then that would make me more confident as a person.
Question #4: What would you suggest to someone who is going through a divorce, now that your family has been through one?
Answer #4: Honestly, it is going to get better. You won't be sad forever. Yes, it is tragic and horrible but you adjust to the changes, you learn to find things that make you happy. The number one thing is that you must open up to someone you trust. Don't keep your emotions in because you will become mentally unhealthy. Stay positive and happy, because it is for the best. Your parents will be happier, which will make you happier. Be there for your parents and don't blame yourself, things will get better.
Question #5: What was the hardest part when coping with your parents divorce?
Answer #5: The hardest part would have to be seeing how unhappy they were. I knew that my parents were struggling with money before the divorce, which is what scared me a lot when I found out that they would be living in separate houses because now money would be an even bigger issue. I had to fend for myself. I never had money; I lost a lot of weight from stress. Knowing that they were no longer going to be together was hard and it changed everything. It changed my whole lifestyle, which isn't the most adjustable thing.
Question #6: How did your parents explain to you about why they were getting divorced?
Answer #6: It was weird, I knew before my mom told me that she would that day. I just sensed it. She said she had to tell me something and then when we got home she told me everything. I reacted immaturely, yelled, cried and stomped up the stairs
Question #7: Do you go through parental loss with one parent?
Answer #7: I do actually go through parental loss. It switches back and fourth. Once I'm mad at my dad I go over to my moms and vice versa. When they fight I pick sides, which isn't fair and I shouldn't get involved but its hard not too.
Question #8: What are your parents parenting styles like?
Answer #8: My parents parenting styles did not change after the divorce, if anything they just showed their parenting styles more, while not being together. My dads a strict parent and my mom is very easy going. My mom is the one who organizes everything and keeps the family organized, making sure we have everything we need. Where as my dad raised me by always spending time with me, teaching me right from wrong, putting me on time outs and making sure I appreciate everything I get. He is why I am who I am today. Now that they're divorced I am with my dad more.
Question #9: Do you believe that when your parents would fight in front of you, was it emotionally damaging?
Answer #9: Yes, it scared me and it contributed to my depression. They had huge fights that made me a very anxious person. I now deal with anxiety. I can see now in my brother that he is aggressive and he fights at school.
My friend’s parents answered the next questions
Question #1: What was the hardest thing when dealing with your divorce?
Answer #1: The hardest part was pretending I was still in-love with someone, when I really wasn't. It was hard to come home knowing that I hated the person I was with for what they did. I was living my life as a lie. With that being said, the even harder part was lying to my children. I couldn't do it, which is why I am where I am today. I had to tell my daughter and it was one of the most heartbreaking things in my life. I was disgusted with myself.
Question #2: How did you guys prepare your children for the divorce?
Answer #2: We prepared our children by not telling them for a while and staying as a family until they got older. We told our daughter once she was 13 and we told her to tell her brother, since they are really close.
What is reality?
After interviewing my close friend I came to a realization that not only does divorce harm the child but also parental fighting harms children. I asked my friend if she was mentally happy with the divorce and she stated that part of her is happy that they aren't together anymore because it is a huge relief because now she doesn't have to live with all the tension they had experienced which was also stated in the article discussed in class, called "Divorce Doesn't harm Children-Parents Fighting Harms children." I also asked my friend if she believes that when her parents would fight in front of her, was it emotionally damaging. She answered that it caused her to become depressed and an anxious person, and now deals with anxiety. She also said that her brother is very aggressive and gets in fights at school, which relates to the article discussed in class called, "Good Morning America: Fighting in Front of Children, Emotionally Damaging." In this article it states that, "When children are threatened at an emotional level they're showing increases in negative symptoms such as depression, anxiety, aggression, hostility, or the child may become aggressive and difficult in arguments." My friend also said that after watching her parents fight and make up, she now doesn't hold grudges and she knows how to deal with fights. In the same article Harold mentions that, "When conflicts are handled constructively, kids learn to compromise, compassion and to use humor and warmth to solve disagreements, they also learn that conflict with someone you love is not the end of the world." I believe that depending on the age of old the child is when their parents are fighting and going through the divorce it will cause them to be unstable. My friend’s brother was only 12 at the time and my friend was 16, which could be why my friend is a lot more stable and mature about the situation. In the article it mentions that, "Studies of two-parent families have consistently found that when a couple's relationship is characterized by unresolved conflict and unhappiness, their children tend to have more acting out aggressive behavior, and fewer social and academic skills." I believe this was only relevant for her brother. I thought it would be interesting to ask my friend what her parents parenting styles are like because in most cases the dad is the more authoritarian parent and the mom is permissive or authoritative. My friend stated that, that is what her parents are like, even after the divorce. Some studies show that parents, parenting styles will alter after the divorce but in her case they remained the same. After doing this interview I learned a lot more about divorce and parental fighting and how it can emotionally and physically damage a child.
Question # 1: Has your parent’s divorce negatively impacted your development?
Answer # 1: There divorce was a huge contribution to who I am today, but in the end it has matured me, changed my perspective on relationships, and was for the best. My parent’s divorce has more than negatively impacted my development as a person. Growing up as a child with your parents together and then having to suddenly live in two separate houses with two different lifestyles is the worst. I would witness them fighting and it would scare me. Being a teenager at the time only made the situation worst since I was already going through so much other stuff.
Question #2: What do you think your life would be like if your parents had not gotten a divorce?
Answer #2: If my parents were still happily married today, I think I would be happy because right now it feels as if my family has been broken apart. My father can no longer attend my mother's family events, which I am still not used to. Having a stepfather and a stepmother is awkward at times and has a negative effect on my comfortably. Christmas is also weird and it is no longer a happy environment in my perspective. If my parents were together now I see myself being a lot happier.
Question #3: Are you mentally happy with the divorce or do you wish they were together?
Answer #3: Half of me is happy my parents aren't together anymore because I see how happy they are now. Seeing them unhappy before broke my heart. If they never started fighting and they were always happy then that would make me more confident as a person.
Question #4: What would you suggest to someone who is going through a divorce, now that your family has been through one?
Answer #4: Honestly, it is going to get better. You won't be sad forever. Yes, it is tragic and horrible but you adjust to the changes, you learn to find things that make you happy. The number one thing is that you must open up to someone you trust. Don't keep your emotions in because you will become mentally unhealthy. Stay positive and happy, because it is for the best. Your parents will be happier, which will make you happier. Be there for your parents and don't blame yourself, things will get better.
Question #5: What was the hardest part when coping with your parents divorce?
Answer #5: The hardest part would have to be seeing how unhappy they were. I knew that my parents were struggling with money before the divorce, which is what scared me a lot when I found out that they would be living in separate houses because now money would be an even bigger issue. I had to fend for myself. I never had money; I lost a lot of weight from stress. Knowing that they were no longer going to be together was hard and it changed everything. It changed my whole lifestyle, which isn't the most adjustable thing.
Question #6: How did your parents explain to you about why they were getting divorced?
Answer #6: It was weird, I knew before my mom told me that she would that day. I just sensed it. She said she had to tell me something and then when we got home she told me everything. I reacted immaturely, yelled, cried and stomped up the stairs
Question #7: Do you go through parental loss with one parent?
Answer #7: I do actually go through parental loss. It switches back and fourth. Once I'm mad at my dad I go over to my moms and vice versa. When they fight I pick sides, which isn't fair and I shouldn't get involved but its hard not too.
Question #8: What are your parents parenting styles like?
Answer #8: My parents parenting styles did not change after the divorce, if anything they just showed their parenting styles more, while not being together. My dads a strict parent and my mom is very easy going. My mom is the one who organizes everything and keeps the family organized, making sure we have everything we need. Where as my dad raised me by always spending time with me, teaching me right from wrong, putting me on time outs and making sure I appreciate everything I get. He is why I am who I am today. Now that they're divorced I am with my dad more.
Question #9: Do you believe that when your parents would fight in front of you, was it emotionally damaging?
Answer #9: Yes, it scared me and it contributed to my depression. They had huge fights that made me a very anxious person. I now deal with anxiety. I can see now in my brother that he is aggressive and he fights at school.
My friend’s parents answered the next questions
Question #1: What was the hardest thing when dealing with your divorce?
Answer #1: The hardest part was pretending I was still in-love with someone, when I really wasn't. It was hard to come home knowing that I hated the person I was with for what they did. I was living my life as a lie. With that being said, the even harder part was lying to my children. I couldn't do it, which is why I am where I am today. I had to tell my daughter and it was one of the most heartbreaking things in my life. I was disgusted with myself.
Question #2: How did you guys prepare your children for the divorce?
Answer #2: We prepared our children by not telling them for a while and staying as a family until they got older. We told our daughter once she was 13 and we told her to tell her brother, since they are really close.
What is reality?
After interviewing my close friend I came to a realization that not only does divorce harm the child but also parental fighting harms children. I asked my friend if she was mentally happy with the divorce and she stated that part of her is happy that they aren't together anymore because it is a huge relief because now she doesn't have to live with all the tension they had experienced which was also stated in the article discussed in class, called "Divorce Doesn't harm Children-Parents Fighting Harms children." I also asked my friend if she believes that when her parents would fight in front of her, was it emotionally damaging. She answered that it caused her to become depressed and an anxious person, and now deals with anxiety. She also said that her brother is very aggressive and gets in fights at school, which relates to the article discussed in class called, "Good Morning America: Fighting in Front of Children, Emotionally Damaging." In this article it states that, "When children are threatened at an emotional level they're showing increases in negative symptoms such as depression, anxiety, aggression, hostility, or the child may become aggressive and difficult in arguments." My friend also said that after watching her parents fight and make up, she now doesn't hold grudges and she knows how to deal with fights. In the same article Harold mentions that, "When conflicts are handled constructively, kids learn to compromise, compassion and to use humor and warmth to solve disagreements, they also learn that conflict with someone you love is not the end of the world." I believe that depending on the age of old the child is when their parents are fighting and going through the divorce it will cause them to be unstable. My friend’s brother was only 12 at the time and my friend was 16, which could be why my friend is a lot more stable and mature about the situation. In the article it mentions that, "Studies of two-parent families have consistently found that when a couple's relationship is characterized by unresolved conflict and unhappiness, their children tend to have more acting out aggressive behavior, and fewer social and academic skills." I believe this was only relevant for her brother. I thought it would be interesting to ask my friend what her parents parenting styles are like because in most cases the dad is the more authoritarian parent and the mom is permissive or authoritative. My friend stated that, that is what her parents are like, even after the divorce. Some studies show that parents, parenting styles will alter after the divorce but in her case they remained the same. After doing this interview I learned a lot more about divorce and parental fighting and how it can emotionally and physically damage a child.